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    • What is Kratom?
    • Other Strain Info
    • Witchy Little Rants
    • Eat Me
    • FAQ and Legal Mumbo Jumbo
    • SUBSCRIBE

Queer Kratom - Online Shop
*feel better than normal*

Queer Kratom - Online Shop *feel better than normal*Queer Kratom - Online Shop *feel better than normal*Queer Kratom - Online Shop *feel better than normal*
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  • What is Kratom?
  • Other Strain Info
  • Witchy Little Rants
  • Eat Me
  • FAQ and Legal Mumbo Jumbo
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About Kratom

What Even Is Kratom?

How to Take Kratom (Your Way, Your Rules)

Choosing Your Kratom Vibe

Kratom (pronounced like "cray-tum" or "kray-dumb", depending on how spicy your barista is that day) is a leafy plant from Southeast Asia that’s been used for centuries to chill out, pep up, or deal with that "my body hurts but I have to be a functioning adult" kind of vibe.


The leaves contain natural alkaloids that interact with your body’

Kratom (pronounced like "cray-tum" or "kray-dumb", depending on how spicy your barista is that day) is a leafy plant from Southeast Asia that’s been used for centuries to chill out, pep up, or deal with that "my body hurts but I have to be a functioning adult" kind of vibe.


The leaves contain natural alkaloids that interact with your body’s receptors — kind of like your ex, but way more supportive. 


Depending on the strain, kratom can feel calming, energizing, or like a warm weighted blanket for your soul. It’s legal in most states, and when sourced responsibly and used mindfully, it can be a helpful herbal ally in your wellness routine.

Choosing Your Kratom Vibe

How to Take Kratom (Your Way, Your Rules)

Choosing Your Kratom Vibe

Kratom isn’t one-size-fits-all — just like gender, skincare routines, and brunch orders. Here's a cute little cheat sheet to help you find your plant soulmate:


Green Vein – Balanced queen. Great for mood, focus, and gentle energy. Think: "I want to be productive but not panic."

Red Vein – The cozy goth. Known for relaxing vibes, stress reli

Kratom isn’t one-size-fits-all — just like gender, skincare routines, and brunch orders. Here's a cute little cheat sheet to help you find your plant soulmate:


Green Vein – Balanced queen. Great for mood, focus, and gentle energy. Think: "I want to be productive but not panic."

Red Vein – The cozy goth. Known for relaxing vibes, stress relief, and body ease. Best for evenings, naps, or ahem other horizontal activities.

White Vein – The extrovert. Uplifting, buzzy, and great for daytime motivation — especially when you don’t feel like talking to people but have to anyway.

FIND MORE STRAIN INFO HERE

How to Take Kratom (Your Way, Your Rules)

How to Take Kratom (Your Way, Your Rules)

How to Take Kratom (Your Way, Your Rules)

 All About That Tea, Babe

Brewing kratom tea is a ritual — herbal witchery at its finest. It’s soothing, customizable, and won’t leave a pile of powder in your teeth. Add citrus, honey, or whatever herbal flair suits your witchy aesthetic.

Pros: Gentle on the tummy, tastes way better with your favorite flavors, and lets you channel your inn

 All About That Tea, Babe

Brewing kratom tea is a ritual — herbal witchery at its finest. It’s soothing, customizable, and won’t leave a pile of powder in your teeth. Add citrus, honey, or whatever herbal flair suits your witchy aesthetic.

Pros: Gentle on the tummy, tastes way better with your favorite flavors, and lets you channel your inner kitchen witch.
Cons: Takes time. Not ideal for “I’m late and my life’s a mess” mornings.


Powders & Capsules – Low Effort, High Impact

Powder is the classic — you can toss it, mix it in juice, or make your own capsules. It’s versatile, effective, and the budget-conscious gay’s best friend.

Pros: Flexible, affordable, and lets you experiment like a queer mad scientist.

 Cons: Messy AF. One wrong move and you’re living in a green snowglobe.


Extracts – Concentrated and Cute

Extracts are like kratom’s hot older cousin. Just a few drops in your drink or under the tongue and boom — you’re vibing. These are great for on-the-go babes or anyone who just can’t with the taste.

Pros: Stronger effects in smaller doses, ultra-discreet, and no need for a kitchen mess.
Cons: You might miss the full-body, holistic vibe of whole leaf. Also: they can be pricey.

Tips for First-Time Kratom Cuties

How to Take Kratom (Your Way, Your Rules)

How to Take Kratom (Your Way, Your Rules)

Start low, go slow. Seriously. This isn’t a double-shot espresso moment. Begin with 1–2 grams and see how you feel.


Stay hydrated.
Kratom can be a lil’ drying. Your queer little body deserves that water bottle.


Don't mix with booze or other substances.
You’re hot and smart — keep it safe, babe.


Keep a kratom journal.
Note the strain, dose

Start low, go slow. Seriously. This isn’t a double-shot espresso moment. Begin with 1–2 grams and see how you feel.


Stay hydrated.
Kratom can be a lil’ drying. Your queer little body deserves that water bottle.


Don't mix with booze or other substances.
You’re hot and smart — keep it safe, babe.


Keep a kratom journal.
Note the strain, dose, and how you felt. Think of it like astrology, but with actual data.


Buy from reputable sources.
No sketchy back-alley powders, okay? Look for lab testing and transparency.

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